Defying the Mold

times are a changin'

2007-07-12T21:07:00.000-07:00

My dad actually took initiative to contact me last week. It was quite the shock, since there was no holiday and thus out of the ordinary for me to receive a phone call. Initially I thought that someone had died or was in the hospital or some random family emergency, but thankfully that thought pattern was proved wrong. Maybe my dad is finally beginning to realize how important family should be. I'm still not quite sure what to think of it all, but I suppose it's good.
After spending a weekend in Vegas with Nicki and Mommer's I am feeling quite refreshed. It was a much needed time away from working non stop. It went by super fast, but it was still relaxing.

Uncle Jay and Aunt Lori welcomed Jaedon's baby sister into the world on July 21st. It was quite a stressful first few days as baby Charisma spent the time in the neonatal
unit. She is home and doing very well now though, and is such a cute baby.

Speaking of the baby front, Michelle is pregnant again, with kid 6 this time. Pray that she can make it past the first trimester this year, as she had a miscarriage last summer. Unfortunately I won't be around any more when the new baby is born, so whoever the new sitter is will get the joys of a new baby. Although, that also isn't all that bad of a deal for me, I mean 5 kids is enough of a handful. I've been with them for 10 years, so it will be strange to no longer be around to watch the kids continue growing up.

I will finally be done with school in December, if all goes according to planned on that front. From there I will be heading west to find out what the resort industry has to offer me. The jury is still out as to which resort I will land at, but should be determined by Oct. I am extremely excited about this opportunity. Although I have some people who think I should get a media industry job and use my degree right away, while just working the ski industry part time, I know that I would just regret that decision for the rest of my life if I don't take my chance now to explore and have fun. I am doing what I need to do for me this time, and as much as different people want to try and influence me otherwise, I am not budging in my decision to take time for me and follow my dreams. I need it so that maybe I can finally begin to heal. I have a period of separation from everything Cornerstone related, and that even means using a degree that I have worked so hard for.

Post-Mother's Day Thoughts

2007-05-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

This has been my fourth Mother's day without my mom. It definitely hasn't gotten any easier over the years either. In fact, I dare to say that it has gotten more difficult to make it through the day without breaking down. For the first few years, I was still in denial that anything had even happened and pretended that life was just like it always had been. Sure there would be those days when I would just want to call mom and tell her something, or be like "Oh, I should ask mom, she would know the answer." Those were the days I would remember that this wasn't a dream any more, but shortly after the thought went through my head, I would make myself for get about it. I didn't want to think about that, I didn't want to think about being alone, I didn't want to think about the pain. I would just bury it deep inside me and not let anyone have a clue of how much I was hurting, not even myself. Three years is a long time to be stuck in denial, but that's where I was. This year has been different though. I've been angry a lot. It's been good though. I've begun to realize that although I have been thrown a curve ball, I can still catch it. I would have run away from Mother's day this year, if I wouldn't have felt obligated to participate in the festivities with my Grandma. I know Mother's day is hard on her now too, so I knew that I needed to be there, even if I didn't want to be. I don't know that there will ever be a Mother's Day that I won't struggle through, but maybe someday I will gain the strength to face it head on, despite the pain that it brings. This mothers day will probably be my last one for quite some time. I am getting better at facing the tears, but it was just too much too soon for me. This was the first mothers day that has brought me tears, but it was also the first mothers day after taking the first steps on the road of grieving. I can't stand in denial anymore. I need to keep moving, keep growing and keep grieving.

"The Thief"
by Relient K
I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
And I understand why you wouldn't want to
I guess it's up to me to find a way to get to you

And I can't see you
Getting used to
Living in the midst of your perfection
And I'm so lost
How can you trust
Somewhere the sun is always shining

And there's just one last thing that I have to say
As we reflect on the mess of all this that I've made
It was cowardice that made me push you away
I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me

Welcome Home Nigel

2007-05-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

Nigel has returned home safe! He's been home for just over a week and driving better than I can ever remember. I'm still looking for a new mode of transportation, but Nigel will probably be sticking around 'till end of summer. He's been a good jeep to me. He's been under my care for 4.5 years, and hasn't had to make many unscheduled shop visits, so that is always a blessing.

for Ami!

2007-04-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

Since I don't feel like reading about media history anymore, I will do a quick update.

On Nigel:
The grandparents are home, so I will now be able to determine the demise of Nigel. However, the official decision will probably not take place or after May 5. Grandpa brought a transfer case home from AL with them, so that will be getting fixed. However, Nigel will still be in need of a radiator. Grandpa decided that he isn't worth any money if he won't run, so he has to be fixed either way. Would he sell for more than we are putting into him, who knows. Probably since he is a jeep and is still pretty mechanically sound. So even though he is getting fixed, that doesn't mean that I will be keeping him. So basically a new car isn't out of the question yet. I will still be driving the PT bruiser until may 5, well actually probably til May 7 at the latest, so check with me closer to then and I will know where Nigel's fate lies.

On School:
Almost done with the semester. I am still not sure if when I will be graduating. I am still pending the decision on 2 courses. If everything works out I will be graduating in December, if not than not until May. Which would not be cool since I would only have 1 class to take during the Spring semester.I also have some possible opportunities with Compass, but I will not say more on that until they become more solidified. As of right now it looks like I will have the summer off from classes, which will be nice for a change, since I haven't had a real break from school since sophomore summer. Which was way to long ago. My brain is getting burnt out and is having a hard time with memory recall when it comes to reading and test taking.

On living:
I am still in my apartment until the end of July. I don't think I will stay there after my lease is up because I am struggling to afford it on my own. I have a several different options for living arrangements, of which I haven't decided which one I am going to go with yet. I could live with 5 other girls, but we don't have a house yet and I am not holding my breath that the plan will actually become a reality. I also have the option to live where I did last summer, however there will be a newborn in the house, and I am not sure that I am up to that challenge. Another option is to live with the people I nanny for, but in a 3 bedroom house with 5 kids it is kinda cramped as it is, so I don't think I would be comfortable living there. I could also live with a friend who is currently also living on her own, and although that probably seems the most ideal of the options so far, I would really want to think it over before I did that. I don't want to put a strain on that friendship or ruin it because we are living together. I could also move home, since at this point I only have classes 2 days a week next semester, however I am still planning on working in Grand Rapids on the other 5 days, so that would be a great deal of driving. So although I have many options, I am not entirely sold on any of them and am still unsure of what I want to do.

On work:
Working 3 jobs is quite tiring at times but it is also a challenge and keeps me out of trouble for the most part. I love working at the TV station. Things are kinda slowing down there for right now, and will probably be fairly slow until football season. I have picked up the weekend shifts now, so at least I am getting some steady hours. I have also been given the task of creating a promotional piece for the station. I guess my classes will be paying off some with that.
My five boys keep me going on the days that I am not at the station. Let me tell you, they are a handful! If I never have kids, they will be the ones to blame. I love 'em all though. How could I not? They keep life interesting and are so gosh darn cute when they decide to obey.
Cornerstone is Cornerstone. Frustrating sometimes, thrilling other times. It gets old being the only one that knows how to do everything and is good at problem solving. I have decided that I hang out in CAMS way to much when I am not actually working a shift. This wouldn't be an issue except that I usually end up doing work stuff even when I am not working because I feel guilty ignoring customers who know I work there just because I am not clocked in. I guess thats my hospitality side that kicks in, surprising it is still there.

On family:
Well the grandparents just got back from AL, but I probably won't see them until after finals. Things are just too busy right now. Still don't talk to my brother. Maybe God will soften his heart (and mine) soon, but if He doesn't, I have accepted the fact that I will probably never have a strong relationship with my brother. My little sister is graduating from MSU this semester, so that is pretty exciting. I talk to my dad on rare occasion, sometimes I wish I had a better relationship with him, but I also feel like I don't have anything to talk to him about since I barely know the man. Joel is great, not much else to say about other than I foresee him sticking around for quite a while.

In the coming weeks:
I have a few editing projects to finish up and the 24hr FilmFest next weekend. I am also working on getting a short film and feature length film script completed, both of which I need to have done within the next few weeks. So with 4 major projects, I won't have much time for anything else for a few weeks.

Hopefully that is a good enough update for now!

Nigel

2007-04-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

I would like to announce that Nigel is currently on bed rest. He incurred a serious injury on Sunday morning while traveling down the freeway. Some loud clunking and banging ensued, accompanied by large amounts of smoke. This left Erika stranded on the shoulder of a somewhat busy freeway for several hours longer than she had desired and a hefty towing bill. Nigel is suffering from a blown transfer case (the extension of the transmission that controls how many wheels he drives on). Unfortunately his life may not be spared from this injury. The decision on whether he heads into surgery will be made in 2 weeks. In the meantime I will be cheating on him with a grandma car. At the end of his holding period I will have to make the decision to keep him around or find a suitable replacement. At this point it is looking like I will need to be in the search of suitable replacement.

a constant fight with myself

2007-03-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know what is going on in my head anymore. I want so much more, but I don't know what it is that I want. I know I want to love others, but I don't know if I even can remember how to do that. I want to be God's daughter, but what does that even look like. I want to graduate, but I want to learn so much more. I want to make the most out of each day, but I fight myself just to get out of bed. I have to force myself to go to chapel, to go to class, and even to talk to my friends. There are so many people that I want to say something to, that I want to continue relationships or rebuild relationships, but I just don't know how. I want to be real, I want to be me, but I'm not even sure who that is anymore. The real me has been hidden behind walls in my heart for so long that I don't even know if she can ever come out in the light again. I want to be comfortable being sad around friends, but I have never been able to bring myself to do that. I feel like I will be letting them down if I do. I am sick of putting on this mask every morning when I wake up, and sick of only being able to take it off when I am alone. I used to be able to cry around my mom. I don't have that anymore. I just want to be able to cry in front of someone again. I want to be real. I want people to see that there is more to me than what meets the eye. I want to feel joy again. I want to grieve. I want to be able to tell my dad what I really think of him. I want to tell him that he let me down. I want to tell him that it doesn't seem like he cares about anyone other than himself. I want to hear that he is proud of me and that he loves me. I don't think I've ever genuinely had him say that, and I long so much to hear my Daddy tell me that I make him proud. I want to hug my mom and tell her I love her. Tell her that I am sorry for all the pain I caused her. Tell her that I appreciate all the things she gave up for me. I wish I had a second chance to do that, but I don't and it hurts. I am so sick of keeping myself hidden from my friends. I dont feel like I have anyone that truly knows who I am anymore. I want to let myself out of the prison I have created, but I don't know how. I want someone that will force me to set myself free, but I know that it's something that I have to force myself to do.

I guess it's fitting that I'm a mac lover

2007-03-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

You Are a Mac

You are creative, stylish, and super trendy.

You demand the best - even if it costs an arm and a leg.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

and just when i thought i was on top of things...

2007-01-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

Well today I finally got myself put back together someone, organizationally at least. I finally feel like I am ready to start the semester (even if I am 3 weeks behind). Everything was going good for the most part, minus the checkbook not wanting to balance in the beginning, but then I got that all figured out. I figured out my schedule for feb as well. Trust me its pretty hectic between 4 jobs and 2 schools. I then decided that i should shred the online banking statements that I had printed out and pay my bills. Unfortunately, I also shredded one of my bills...not exactly what I had in mind. Ah well, I'll just have to track down how to find out that information on the good ol internet. Well its off to get myself caught up on the 3 weeks worth of homework that I havent been doing.

Year in Review

2007-01-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

Well 2007 has finally slowed down enough for me to take a quick breath before heading off to bed to do it all over again tomororw. So I decided I would take a quick minute to review 2006.
- survived a semester of commuting an hour each way
- Became AASI level 1 certified as a snowboard instructor
- earned my PSIA/AASI children's accredidation (both ski and snowboard)
- taught a college class for WMU
- survived a summer of being 'mom' to five of the most handsome boys ever
- watched my Aunt, Uncle and 3 young cousins struggle through a pretty intense faily situation that unfortunately will plague them the rest of their lives.
- had a good friend come close to dying in a car accident and relived memories of 3 years ago all over again
- found an amazing guy to spend time with, whom I wouldn't trade for the world
- discovered that I won't be able to graduate until Dec 07
- rented my first apartment on my lonesome
- watched some close family friends begin to rebuild their marriage
- survived 19 credits and 30 hrs/wk working
- said an unexpected goodbye to a boss who had been let go
- said hello to a new equally amazing boss
- was offered a production job at a local access tv station, out of the blue. and accepted
- began to face the reality that mom is dead

well I think that about sums up 2006, or at least thats all i can come up with for now.
I hope that you are all enjoying your 2007, whether you are finishing up school, or working full time. Keep your eyes focused on God and everything will fall into place.
loves

it's official...im crazy and lived to tell about it

2006-12-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

Wow has this past semester been a challenge. I'm still not quite sure how I lived through it. Was it all just a bad dream, that I am finally waking up from? Yeah that must be it. There is no way I could still be sane after what I put myself through. Or was it real and I just happen to be insane? I suppose either is possible, since at this point I can't really tell when I'm awake and when I'm dreaming.
Not only has this semester been both physically and mentally challenging but it was also emotionally challenging. Although I used to think that was a bad thing, I don't know that I agree with that theory anymore. I used to also avoid expressing my emotions, especially the sad and angry ones. However with everything else that was going on I didn't have the energy to keep hiding my sadness and pain. There were several times when I would just start crying for no apparent reason. Now keep in mind, I haven't cried due to sadness in years. I've cried out of anger or frustration, but not sadness. It was a strangely good feeling to cry and to release that pain and sadness that I have been holding in since I was little. I am no where near where I should be as far as dealing with everything of my past. But with time I will hopefully be able to work through it.
Overall this semester has been very good for me, even though it could have turned out very bad, I am glad that I put myself through it. Although as good as I think it was for me, I don't really have the desire to repeat it.

2006-10-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

Unless you know how to get ahold of me by other means, you will not hear from me for the remainder of the semester. I am shrinking into hiding and thus will be abandoning the xanga world in order to partially maintain my sanity. With that said, unless you take the time to contact me, then you will also probably not hear from me. I just don't have the time to think about initiating conversations. So I apoligize ahead of time that I will most likely be a crappy friend until december roles around. If I ever entertain the thought of taking 19 credits and working 3 part time jobs again, please dont let me do it. Goodbye friends, I will see you when december rolls around if I survive this.

instead of writing an outline

2006-09-24T07:57:00.000-07:00

I'm going to take a break and leave you with this...

If I make it through this semester I will be extremely impressed with myself. At this point I'm not so sure it will happen. If I ever make the suggestion that I might take 18+ credits again, someone please kick me in the skull. If you need me anytime in the next 12 weeks, I will be in seclusion trying to stay on top of my mounds of homework. Also note, If I am delirious when/if you choose to talk to me please tell me to sleep, since I don't see myself being able to do much of that anymore. And on that note, the semester stress has already set in...

Early Breakfast Mishaps

2006-08-31T17:47:00.000-07:00

"I thought you were beating Kelly" - Kim to Me
"No, We only do that in the bedroom" - Kelly

"You mixed your nuts with Jesus?" - Kim to Kelly

"If anyone wants my Cherry they can have it" -Kelly

"Oh Good, cuz my tongue was getting tired" -Kim
"Well if your tongues that tired already, maybe you need to exercise it more." - Kelly

Hi Ho HI Ho...

2006-08-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

Its off to work to work I go
... or Goodbye ITC, Hello CAMS
All the changes around campus have been insane and I have been busy helping Prof Pete change the ITC into CAMS. Easy task you say, not so I say. Since the whole place is undergoing a restructure I have been busy packing the items we are no longer housing into boxes appropriate to the depts that will now house them. I have also been busy taking inventory of what we will be keeping, finishing up partially finished projects that were left behind from the ITC, and helping Pete figure out some of the fine details in the workings of CAMS. Although it is sad to say goodbye to the ITC, and all the the ITC has meant to me for the past 3 years, I think is also a good, happy and welcome hello to CAMS.

Its off to school I go
... or Bring on the classes
Classes have begun and I believe that I now have my class schedule solidified. Its always nerve racking when you are unsure of your class schedule and major changes are still being made to it the day after classes started. Although my schedule isn't as good as the original schedule, I think that I am still happy with it. I no longer have any Pete classes, but I think I will survive since he is now also my boss. The good news is that I have 2 Compass Academy classes now, which I am pretty excited about. I think it will good for me to only be on campus partial time and spend the rest of time at Compass. Thankfully Cornerstone pays for those classes, that really makes me happy. I was thinking the other day that I really complain about how horrible Cornerstone is quite often. I also realized how ungrateful I am for Cornerstone. I really need to be much more grateful to Cornerstone and all that they offer me. I need to be grateful that I am able to receive a good Christian education. Not only am I receiving a good Christian education, but I am recieving it for free. Cornerstone didn't need to continue providing me with tuition remission, but I am glad they have. I don't think I would have continued my education if they hadn't. I don't think I would have been able to afford it. It has been a great oppurtunity and I need to be thankful that I have been provided with it. So, if any of you hear me complaining about Cornerstone please tell me to stop and remind me how blessed I am. End rabbit trail. This semester the class schedule consists of: The Transforming Media (COM 121), Anatomy and Physiology I (BIO 241), Intro to Fine Arts (FAR 211), Writing for Film (COM 250, Compass Academy), Basic Film Editing (COM 255, Compass Academy), and Mass Media & Society (COM 234). Although some of them are basic core drag classes, they will hopefully not be too bad of a load. 19 credits is pretty heavy, but I dont think that most of them will have much busy work. Let's just hope that I can maintain a somewhat normal sleep schedule and social life.

In other news
I was listening to Indie 103.1 (out of LA) today via internet broadcast. I really miss having a radio station like that at my fingertips while traveling my car. Back to the point... The DJ's were discussing the ugliest buildings in LA, and Park La Brea came in at the number 3 spot. It made me laugh a little. It also made me miss LA and PLB, even if it does have the #3 ugliest buildings in the city, it was still a fun place to live, in a great location. Although it being a great place to live could be attributed to the LAFSC friends for the most part. For an added point of enjoyment, Beverly Center came in the #2 spot. Since I was busy inventoring stuff at work, I happened to miss what came in #1 and anything lower than #3. I didn't really key in until PLB was mentioned.

I am Irrate

2006-08-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

I am sad to announce that Cornerstone has made some rediculous decisions and have laid off some of the best staff members they could ever have. In the ranks of the laid off are: Potts, Greg O, Dr. Neynaber, Mike Rohwer, Patty Barrett, and several others from what I have heard. Not only have those people been laid off, but others have resigned as a result. Those include Andre, Josh Brown and a few other of the tech support people as far as I am currently informed. With these lay offs I have also lost my campus job, since the ITC is no longer. No longer do I get to work with some of the best co-workers I have ever worked with. No more ryan, no more potts, no more greg, no more ITC staff. All of these layoffs took place a mere 3 weeks before classes officially start. Cornerstone, you should learn to THINK. I shake my fist at you cornerstone and I will be glad to be gone in a year.

the news

2006-08-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

I moved into my new apartment on aug 1st and I love it. Although I still have some rearranging to do in my living room and I'm not completely happy with the way my bedroom is set up yet. Plus there is definately some decorating that needs to be done to make it more homey. I will try to get some pictures up soon.

I am still watching the boys 5 days a week, and they are a handful most the time. The news of this week on that front is that Michelle is pregnant for number 6. So now I will be staying on 2 nights a week once classes start. Eli is starting to potty train, so that has been interesting at times. Although I suppose it's a good thing that he's ready for it and will go sit on the potty unannouced, to poop. He has also now been upgraded to a toddler bed, so tends to roam when he is supposed to be taking his nap, so I have to make camp outside of his door to make sure he stays in bed. This week is fair week, so last week I spent most of the week helping the kids finish up their 4-H projects, that was fun but interesting as well. I relaly do enjoy these boys, but I still don't think I want my own kids, at least not for quite a while.

I am still not completely sure of when I will granduate, and which classes I need to take and when I am taking them, however I now have my major and minor declared for the time being, even though that could change again next week. At current I am a Media Studies major with a double emphasis in Video and Audio and minor in Film. Since my major is self-contained I technically don't need and minor and may possibly be getting rid of that and doing a triple emphasis with film. Everything will remain as is until next week at the earliest when I get to meet with Cuffman (my advisor and also the division chair). There are a lot of questions that need to be looked at and answered within the next month with it being a brand new major and only 2 of us that are suppose to graduate this year are in that major. We are kinda the guinea pigs, me more so than the other person. School starts back up in a few weeks and I am hoping that I can have most of it figured out by then since I am getting down to crunch time with an anticipation of only 3 semesters left til graduation.

The boy is doing well and I spent the last weekend over in Detroit with him and his family. I had a blast and am excited to see where this relationship will go. There is so much more I could say on this one, but I will leave it up to you if you really care to know more.

the word on the street is

2006-07-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

the word on the street is...

* i may (if everything goes through) have a place to live come Aug 1st. More details on that to come when everything is solidified.
* despite popular opinion, I, infact, do not want to spend my life raising children
* my compass class is coming to a close, and i have numerous hours of editing crappy footage to put in before tomorrow morning
* the rumors are true, I have left the single market
* I wince when I fuel up Nigel. He is one expensive mouth to feed at near 50 bucks a tank. I fear it may be nearing time to give him up for adoption, which would break my heart
* Grandpa is recovering quite well from his recent rotator cuff surgery
* Grandma Barr is on her death bed, and has already lived past her 2 days. (No, shes not my real grandma, she is actually the grandma of the boys I have, and still do, nannied for for the past 8 summers
* I am actually putting my developmental psychology course to some use with the greif cycle with the kiddies
* I have been told I look like a mom on several occasions lately when I have only the 2yr old. I don't enjoy it. It freaks me out a lot.
* I have smiled more lately than I have in a long time
* Uncle Steve is out of Jail, trial begins at the end of the summer. prayers are still needed on that front.
* I dislike finding cat hairs on my pillow
* organic is good
* I know what I want to do with my life, but yet I dont
* I still am unsure of how the poo my LAFSC classes are going to transfer in, thus a graduation date is still in the air.
* I am a senior and still don't have a declared major

holy storage space

2006-07-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

So I've come to the conclusion that I have an excessive amount of storage space...

40 Dell
100 Powerbook
180 External Drive
300 External Drive
60 Tower
120 Tower
20 Ipod
1 SD card
1 Compact flash card
.064 Flash memory
.256 Flash memory
.016 Transflash card
.016 Phone
.256 SD card
.256 XD card
SD card

I still have some unaccounted for storage, in which I can't remember the exact amount of storage space I have on them, since i haven't used them in a while and they havent yet made it to GR. I'll update those next time I'm home and can check the situation out. That puts me at 822.864GB of HDD storage putting me only 177.136GB away from having 1TB of storage...that's an insane amount of storage.

Ami has 441.5GB, putting our apt total at 1.264TB

(for those who don't know, ami and I are in a self-declared battle with a group of boys that we know to see who has the most storage space. We are going to kick their butts. We aren't far off from beating them on a single person average basis, since there are more of them than there are of us)

I think I may just have nightmares...

2006-06-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Morning

fashion mishap

2006-06-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

if i ever catch any of you wearing that stupid new fashion fad of the tight 3/4 length leggins under a mini skirt that doesnt even cover your butt, i will never talk to you again. end of story (this means you too GK)

oh the joys

2006-06-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

i am currently being trampled by a 2 year old and saranated by a 6 year old.

I do not EVER want to have kids...

Kids can do the funniest things

2006-06-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

So returning to the nanny title isn't all that bad i suppose, although I am even more so convinced that i never want kids. With the exception of last summer, I have nannied for this family every summer since I was 13. There were 3 boys back then, and now its up to 5. And man is 5 boys a handful. The youngest is not quite 2 yet, but he has quite the personality. The boys have definately been keeping me busy this week. We made 2 trips to the zoo, a trip the the childrens museum and a trip to the park. Being the good nanny that I am, I managed to lose one at the children's musuem for a little bit...but i wasnt too worried, I knew he couldnt have gone too far away (it was a very busy day that day). The baby found his way into the street a few times. The middle three had quite the spills on their bikes. Was constantly called "mom" by the baby (let me tell ya, that is the weirdest thing ever). Burnt my arm on a pizza pan. Changed way too many expolded diapers. Laughed my head off at the baby saying "yo, yo" with hand motions. Ended up with food mess on my clothing just about every day from the baby. It really is a good thing this boys are more like family to me that a job. Overal it was a pretty good week though, and its nice to be around those boys again...

Things of Interest

2006-05-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

* I have decided that I have a strong fascination with Judaism. There is just something about it that really intrigues me.
* I find a strange sense of joy when i poop
* Sometimes i wonder what it would feel like to get shot with a gun
* I have an obsession with buying movies
* I think I am going to go on a spending fast and not spend money for 2 weeks (outside of purchasing gas), but not yet
* I REALLY need a job
* I am ready to go chill out at the beach
* Mudhouse Sabbath is an incredibly good book, I suggest you read it if you havent already
* I dislike it when my flip flop breaks and I don't have any spare shoes on me. this is twice now that it has happened
* I enjoy when people buy me lunch. it makes my tummy happy
* I am incredibly thankful for all my friends, especially my high school friends. I would have been lost without them. I am glad that most of them still play a role in my life, even if it is a minor one, and even if they aren't veiwed as the best people in the eyes of Christians, they have been better friends to me than most of the close christian friends I had while I was in highschool, not that the Christian friends aren't better ones now though.
* I want a smirnoff right now

Currently Reading
Mudhouse Sabbath
By Lauren F. Winner
see related

Chi Town

2006-05-22T23:10:00.000-07:00

who woulda thought that taking a day trip to Chi with would bring about such an uprisal in a house...3 hours is certainly too long to drone on about the why are you leaving from there and the do you know where your goings, and the you should leave at this time and the you should take this way to get there and the do you have enough gas....ARGH why must such a little thing turn into such a big deal

Tats

2006-05-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

I have now decided that there are at least 2 tattoos I want to get at this point with a possible 3rd later in life...if you care to know about them ask me. I think I will get one of the first 2 this summer.

Death by a Lawn Mower

2006-05-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

Today as I was walking toward Nigel (my jeep) after lunch, I looked up to see a strange man in sunglasses and a hat hurling toward me with a lawn mower. At first I thought..."who is this psycho in the red shirt that doesnt know how to control a lawn mower?" I clearly had no idea who he was, until he began talking to me, and even then it took me a few seconds to process it. To set the record straight, my life had never been threatened by a lawn mower before, nor did I realize who I was up against. To my dismay, it was The Blonde Haired Jesus that occupies our campus. Yes that is right folks, TREVOR threatened my life today. Although, I shouldn't be so shocked. I should have saw it coming. But who can see their life flash before their eyes at the hand of Jesus? I certainly couldn't. The question most of you may ask is "How did you not recognize it was Trevor?" Well here is why: He had a hat on, which I rarely am accustomed to; His eyes were covered by his sunglasses; His hair was pulled back and braided, thus not triggering the flowing blonde haired image I have of Trevor; and finally, I don't think I have even run across him since he shaved his beard. All quite good excuses for not recognizing my attacker. So let this day go down in record books: My life has been threatened by the campus Jesus. Thus making me not the only one on this campus that people should be afraid of.

Mother's Day

2006-05-15T14:36:00.000-07:00

It's funny how we take things for granted until something changes and what we took for granted has been changed forever. I never really found mother's day to be a big, and really I still don't. Now don't get me wrong, its good to take a day out of our busy years to honor our Mother's and show them how much we really appreciate them. However, let's take a moment to think about it. Rather than just spending one day to set aside and honor our Mothers by putting them on a pedastol for the day, shouldn't we be daily showing them how much we love, respect, value and honor them? I think that so many times we take our Mother's for granted that we fail to show them how much we truly appreciate them on a regular basis. I think this needs to change. Instead of waiting for another Mother's day to roll around, why not continually show them and tell them how you feel about them, how grateful you are to have them for you Mom. I think this would truly make a difference. Mother's day comes and goes, but when you make mothers day a daily occurance it can truly make the difference. You never know if you will have another Mother's day with you Mom. She could be gone tomorrow, so take advantage of it and share how much you love and appreciate her today and as often as you can.
Even though I can no longer tell my Mom how much I loved her and how much I truly appreciated her and was grateful to have such a wonderful and supportive mom, I can encourage others not to take advantage of the time God is allowing them to have with their mothers. I may not have any time left to spend with her, but I still have the memories.

ARGH

2006-05-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

I shake my fist at the legal system. Keep praying. What was suppose to be good news on Thursday ended up quite sour. So now we must wait til mid-June for the trial and hopefully that will turn the sour to sweet. I really wish I could tell those of you that I know what is going on, but unfortunately I can't due to legal reasons regarding the case. I can say that I am not personally involved, but am affected since it is happening to a family member

oh the detweiler

2006-05-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

"something that irritates me is the soccer moms who drive big SUV's talking on their cell phones" -Detweiler

dark chocolate

2006-05-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

DETWEILER SAID "UNPACK" TODAY!!! but he didnt do the cuffman handmotions with it...it was bittersweet

Johari/Nohari

2006-05-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

The product of boredom and procrastination isnt always a bad thing
Johari Window
Nohari Window

may courses are in full swing

2006-05-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

Detweiler just did a common Cuffman gesture. The whole time all i could do was wait for him to say "unpack" but he didn't. I was dissappointed.

(I apologize to those of you who have never had a cuffybear class, for this will probably made no sense to you)

Do any of my other cuffy friends ever have this happen to them?

and then Pete said idear and drawrings and it made my day!

BRING ON MAY CLASSES!
On that note: its a good thing my detweiler class is first, because I dont think I would have the motivation to go to a second class if the second one wasnt a pete one

On another note: WHY DOES LIFE SUCK SOMETIMES?!

2006-05-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

All I can say right now is to pray and to keep praying until I tell you otherwise.

Countdown to the End

2006-05-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

Well since the end of the semester is nearing, I figure it to only be fitting that I start an assignment countdown. So here goes...

1. take home exam on history of the church
2. read "Modern Art and the Death of a Culture"
3. Create a dramatic audio narrative soundscape that tells a story through use of voices, music, and sound fx.
4. Create a picture that portrays an emotion of choice. Make an 8x10 print of that picture and bring it in for peer evaluation.
5. worldview essay
6. complete music video
7. WRITTEN Audio Final (emphasis on written for a certain boy named joe)
8. Final for RCC (probably on MAatDofC
9. Response to Mars Hill Audio Journal

Well I am now down to just the music video and showing up to the peer critique for photog. Pretty exciting if you ask me.

Holy Tomato

2006-04-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

It's going to be a busy and boring weekend if things go like foreseen...

I woke up for chapel at 9 then went straight to the ITC after chapel to begin working on my audio soundscape, and also on my music video. I have only left for maybe 30 minutes to get some lunch. Luckily I am just about done with the soundscape, but the music video still has a lot of work to be done. I am hoping the soundscape will be done by 5, then I can work on the video until 730 when the MACE awards start (film festival on campus). The festival should be fun, so I am pretty pumped up about that. I submitted 3 of my films, so I am hoping at least one of them will fare well. After MACE I get to drive home and should probably go straight to bed. Tomorrow I have to get up early so I can be to DeVos Hall at 8 to help with the Opera load in. So I will have to leave my house by 630. YUCK that is early. It will be worth it though since pay is over 14/hr and I could really use the money since I am currently jobless and have been since ski season came to an end. After load in, I will probably come back to campus to continue working on my music video until at least 7. Tomorrow night I have The Ben's graduation/moving to Oregon party til the wee hours of the morning. Then comes sunday...which will consist of the typical occurances: home church in the morning, mars at night, hang with friends after mars, home to bed. Then come Monday I get a day to relax/clean my house and organize my stuff. Next week is exam week, so that should fare interesting. I only really have one exam left, although I have 2 final and a photography peer evaluation. All of my exam periods were suppose to be on Tuesday, but unfortunately most my profs have adjusted and moved them. So now I have RCC on tues afternoon, Photog on Weds night, Audio on Thurs morn and Im not sure when/if the video one is. Also tues night I get to hang out with all my little LJers from last year which will be fun and exciting since we haven't really had any time together this semester besides seeing eachother on the sidewalks.

Well I better get back to ProTools. We have been spending lots of quality time together today and it is starting to wonder where I am now

I've narrowed it down...

2006-04-25T11:56:00.000-07:00

Here are the pictures I have narrowed it down to. If you have any addition comments on them you would like to post feel free to do so. I will probably be making my final decision by tomorrow afternoon. These are in no particular order of preference.
Photo 1

Photo 2

Photo 3

Photo 4

Gas Prices and an empty pocket book

2006-04-22T21:56:00.001-07:00

There is no better way to end off your day than to pour over $50 of gas into the tank of you car, which you had just filled up the night before. It's days like those that I question why I own a Jeep. It's days like those that I question why I choose to make a 1 hour commute by living at home. It's days like those that I question why i even drive in the first place. But then in the end I remember that I need to be thankful that God has given me the ability to drive, the finances to own a car, a family that loves me, and amazing friends to spend time with. As much as my bank account and I don't like putting $50 into my tank, I also know that in the end money doesnt mean a thing.

Some Options

2006-04-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

For my photography final we need to submit a picture we took that portrays an emotion. I have a few options that I could use, but would like your help in finalizing which one I'll use. So leave me comments and let me know what emotion each picture struck for you

Photo 1

Photo 2

Photo 3

Photo 4

Photo 5

Photo 6

Photo 7

A story of...well you just have to read it

2006-04-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

I wrote a mini story today. I decided it was worthy of sharing with you.I think it will explain alot (if you can get over the fact that there are 3 Erika's in this particular story....scary I know)

this is a story of 3 little Erika's. One built a house of straw, one of sticks, the other of stones. One day a wolf named procrastination decided to pay them a little visit. He huffed and he puffed, and blew the straw house down. Erika #1 ran to Erika #2's house. Procrastination followed her. He huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. Erika's 1 & 2 fled to Erika # 3's house. The wolf ran after them in mad persuit. The wolf caught up to them, so Erika #3 ran out of her house to save them. It was all over from there and none of the Erika's got their homework done

ONE DAY, PROCRASTINATOR, I WILL BEAT YOU!

2006-04-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

I'm currently taking ideas for my radio drama...

anyone have any suggestions?

Death to the Chimney Dwellers

2006-04-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

In a matter of 12 hours I will no longer have an entire house to myself and my friends who have taken up dwelling in the chimney this past month or so. Soon they shall be driven from their new found cozy home or killed. Although I am not quite sure which fate they will face, maybe they shall face both. No matter the case, they will be gone. No longer will their strange noises distract me late at night. That's right folks, my Grandparents will be returning from their winter residence within the next 12 hours. No longer will I be lonesome in a big and generally quiet house. Things have been neatly (or not so neatly) settled back into my half of the house. Now all I have left to do is a partial sink full of dishes, and a basketful of laundry and the house will be put back together (minus the cleanliness of my apartment, which has no hope). As excited as I am to see my Grandparents again, it is sort of bittersweet. I will have to return to being responsible to someone else as far as my whereabouts. Not that they are overbearing, but they like to know when/if I am coming home at night. Ah well. It will be nice to be able to spend time with them again. Afterall, They were only around for 2 weeks once I got home from LA.

In other news, as of Fall 2006, I will officially be a Media Communications Major (Video Emphasis) with a Minor in Film. I will have an expected graduation date of December 2007. The end is coming into sight, and that excites me. Although I still don't know what I am going to do with my life after graduation, its is a relief to know that it is in sight. I would love to work as a Ski/Snowboard Instructor at Crested Bute in Colorado, the Winter I graduate seems like the perfect time to have fun with life before I go off and decide to begin settling down. So as of now, I think that is the temporary plan.

Honey, I'm Home

2006-04-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

Honey, I'm Home!

Keystone was AWESOME! I'm going to be moving my butt to Colorado someday. Even if it is only for a season. Most likely the season following graduation. But then there is LA, which also has a part of my heart. And Poland, which definately has a peice of me. AHH so many places that I have fallen in love with. Although I don't yet know where God is calling me, I know there is a special place in my heart for all those places. Maybe I won't live in any of those places on a permanent extended basis, maybe I won't live in outside of a vacation, maybe I will never visit them again. End of rabbit trail, back to Keystone. I love the beauty of the mountains. I love the freedom that they offer. I love the peace that I can find just adoring the beauty that the creator has given them. There is just something about the mountains and being surrounded by snow and beauty that makes me forget about all my worries, even if its just during those moments that I am engulfed by their beauty, it makes it seem all worth it to me. As I would race down the mountain trails on my skies I would forget that there were tons of other people around me, for those seconds it would just be me, God and His creation. It was marvelous.

2006-04-10T02:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt extremely stressed, but didn't know why?

yeah, thats kinda where I am right now.

Randomness

2006-04-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

put your music library on shuffle and answer the questions with songs in the order they come up. it doesn't really make sense at times, but some answers you come up with will freak you out.

1. What's my mood like right now?
Sorry, So Sorry - MxPx

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?

My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer

3. What kind of person am I?

Another Cloudy Day - All Wound Up

4. Am I loved?

Hold Me Twice - FM Static

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?

California - Hawk Nelson

6. What should I do with my life?

Only in Dreams - Weezer

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
Closer - Sanctus Real

8. What is my best quality?
This Week the Trend - Relient K

9. How does my sex life look?

Out of Control - U2

10. What's the meaning of life?
What Have You Been Doing Lately - Relient K

11. What do people think of me?
Here With Me - MxPx

12. Would I make a good catch?
Holiday - Weezer

13. How crazy am I?

Christalena - MxPx

14. Will I have a good life in general?
Solitude - Relient K

15. Can anyone ever really love me?
The Next Big Thing - MxPx

16. Can me and a mate ever be more than friends?
Get Free - The Vines

17. What's going to happen to me this week?
Crying Shame - Jack Johnson

18. Where will I be a year from now?
Realize - MxPx

19. What is my biggest wish?
Letters to the President - Hawk Nelson

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment?
Situations - Jack Johnson

21. How will I die?
Pressing On - Relient K

22. What will happen after I die?
October - FM Static

23. How do my friends feel about me?
Student Driver - Stellar Kart

24. What's my worst nightmare?
Invitation to Understanding - Mxpx

25. What would make me truly happy?
Nancy Drew - Relient K

26. What do you truly believe in?
Daughters - John Mayer

27. What will you get arrested for?
May the Horse Be With You - Relient K

28. What makes you feel the most alive?
If I Could - Jack Johnson

29. What does nobody know about you?
The Final Slow Dance - MxPx

30. The song that will define your day...
Maybe It's Maybelline - Relient K

Heh...so Itunes doesnt shuffle very well...at all.

To Conquer the World

2006-04-01T12:59:00.000-08:00

If you need me for the next week I will be residing in CO. I've been told I have better chances of taking over the world from there.

In Loving Memory

2006-03-31T17:02:00.000-08:00

I am sad to annouce that smiley pumpkin, who has lived on the dash of car for the past 5 years has had his string pulled for the final time. An unnamed passenger of my car was playing with the poor guy when the pullstring decided to not return to its place inside Smiley, thus resulting in his death. Smiley will be greatly missed. He is survived by ugly unicorn, who currently resides in the glove box.

Tonight Marks the NIght

2006-03-31T05:01:00.000-08:00

That time of the semester has come. The time to begin the all-nighter routine. Ok, so maybe this time it won't be a routine. But it will definately be an all-nighter. Hopefully the only one of the semester. Although this is a product of my own doing. Although I don't think its too high a price to pay to spent a week in Colorado at Keystone with the family. At this point in my life I would take several all-nighters if it means time with family. They are just way too important to me to not be willing to sacrifice a night of sleep.

Cold NIghts

2006-03-29T16:57:00.000-08:00

So I was sitting in my house today and realized it was getting pretty cold, but didnt really think much of it. Then later my friend stopped by to see what I was up to and I noticed something hanging on the door knob. Well it was something from the gas company saying they had stopped by to restore the gas supply to the house but no one was home...SHOOT. So now am get to freeze tonight and wake up with a FREEZING cold shower. I'm sure that will be pleasant.
On a happy note:
1 more day of classes and 1 more assignment before I take off for good ol' COLORADO! I am stoked to ski with my favorite cousins at Keystone, even if it does mean stayin on the groomers with the coolest 6yr old ever!

Pumkin Sauce

2006-03-25T20:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think it was all my fault.

The end may be in sight

2006-03-25T12:55:00.000-08:00

So after doing some number/class crunching and figuring out what I still need to take and all that jazz, it is looking promising that I may be able to graduate May 07. How exciting is that?! Actually graduating on time! Even with 3 semesters worth of wasted credits! 15 classes after this semester and I'm done!!

AND there are only 5 weeks left in the semester, which means only 10 days left of classes. Minus 2 days since I'm skipping out next week to head to CO for a week. Wow has this semester FLOWN by. The only bummer is that I have all 4 exams on the same day. Well I guess that could be a good thing since I get them all over with and don't have to drive into GR more than once, but thats still a lot of exams in one day. I still need to decide what I'm doing this summer. I am planning on turning in my app/resume/cover letter to the mac store on tuesday, so we'll see what happens with that. Then its off to the heavey duty job hunt when I get back from CO. I can always go back to the factory if all else fails, but I dont really think I want to do that.

What am I getting myself into?

2006-03-22T07:51:00.000-08:00

Here's my schedule for Summer/Fall...just call me crazy
Summer - 10 Credits
Com 317 - Media Literacy w/ Detweiler May 8-19 M-F 8:00A-12:00P
Com 372 - Music Video Production w/ Petre May 8-19 M-F 1:00P-5:00P
Com 232 - Film A-Z: Compass Arts June 6-July 29 T/H 6:00P-9:00P
Sat 9:00A-12:00P
Fall - 16 Credits
Bio 241 - Anatomy & Physiology I w/ Meyers & Marra M/W/F 10:00A-10:50A
Far 211 - Intro to Fine Arts w/ Burghart M/W/F 11:00A-11:50A
Com 121 - The Transforming Media w/ Sindorf M/W/F 1:00P-1:50P
Com 281 - Audio Production II w/Petre T/H 11:25A-12:40P
Com 337 - Creativity in Video Production w/ Petre T/H 2:25P-3:40P
Bio 241 Lab - Anatomy & Physiology I w/ Meyers & Marra T 3:45P-5:45P

I will still be commuting from Bloomingdale for Summer classes and then will be moving back to GR August 1st. Now I just have to find a job so I can make money in the meantime.

I did it

2006-03-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

I finally took that leap and went to visit mom's grave. I knew that I needed to do it, but I would always come up with some excuse as to why I couldnt do it whenever I would have time. It was just something I had to do on my own. I managed to dodge going on memorial day with my grandparents to put flowers there. I just wasn't ready to yet. Although, I'm not sure that anyone in my family realizes that I hadn't yet been able to bring my self to face seeing a gravestone with her name on it. I pratically grew up at the funeral home and that cemetary, I would shoud this time be any different. It has been though. I never thought death could effect me so much. I always knew it to just be a part of life and I would go to the viewings/funeral and a few days later be fine. I never expected to still be struggling through life dealing with a death 2 years down the road. It's taken its toll on me, but I'm getting to the point where I am fully ready to face it head on. As I started pulling into the cemetary I could feel the tears start to come as my throat began to tighten. I wanted so desperately to back out of the cemetary, turn around and go home. I knew I couldn't do that though. If I didn't face it now, it would only make matters worse. I pulled around the road in the cemetary until I made it to the area where her headstone is. I sat there a while just staring straight ahead. What was I doing. I really didn't want to be there. I didn't want to face reality. I knew I had to though, so I continued on. Opening the door, I stumbled out of my jeep and pulled myself to where her stone. I couldnt bring myself to look at it. I just stood there looking straight ahead right in front of her grave. I couldn't look down. I couldn't read what it said. I then bent over and started cleaning the dead leaves away from around the flowers. That was the most I could do. I then stood back up, without even looking at the headstone, got back in my car and drove away. Although I still couldnt bear to look at it, I know that I made a start. I took the first steps in being able to face reality. Maybe someday I will truly be able to visit her grave without anything holding me back. It could be sometime soon, but then again it might not be for another 20 years.

2006-03-14T18:32:00.000-08:00

I think tomorrow will be the day that I grow guts...

what is spring break?

2006-03-02T20:42:00.000-08:00

if you need me anytime soon, you will probably find me somewhere with my nose buried in a snowboard intructors manual or childrens instructors manual. Or possibly infront of a computer equiped with protools. Or maybe even with a digi slr in my hand. And with that I welcome spring break with an iron fist.

the happenings of the week

2006-02-22T17:25:00.000-08:00

So far this week I have had my goggles stolen, made over $150 at work, taken 3 midterms (all of which I had forgotten about), switched my major to media com and dropped my minor, done no homework, helped a kid with a concussion, helped locate a pair of stolen skis, spent 0ver $50 on fuel, broke my Nikon D70, fixed the wireless at work, tweaked my knee and ankle while boarding, saw some old friends i havent seen in over 8 months, set up 2 lesson appointments, administered and graded WMU's snowboard exam, and attended 2 chapels. I think that is all I have done so far.
Yet to do for the week include attending classes tomorrow, racing tomorrow night, teach a 5yr old how to snowboard, SEE MAE, teach timber wolves on sat.
So there ya have it. My week in a nutshell.
In other news, one of the lift ops fell off the ski lift on sunday, pretty scary stuff. Thankfully she only broke her femur.

update

2006-02-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

this is my update. umm theres not much to update on really. work is work. school is school. little time with friends is far too little. that is all. goodnight

Life comes at ya fast

2006-02-04T07:16:00.000-08:00

school is in full swing, although my brain hasn't quite had a chance to catch up to it yet. Most my classes are gonna be sweet, but I have a couple killer classes. Micro-econ will be the death of me. My prof is extremely full of himself and its to maintain a level of respect for a man whose head is bigger than Texas. Luckily micro-econ is nicely settled between audio production and video production. They are gonna keep me fairly sane this semester, although they won't be easy I will still at least enjoy them. My prof (for both) is f-ing amazing. This is his first semester teaching at CU, but he is so full of knowledge and comes from another local college that has an amazing audio program. I'm excited about what I will learn in these classes. Unfortunately they don't include much peer social interaction since Audio only has a roster of 4 and I am the Video class. Such are the setbacks of being involved with a brand new academic program. Luckily the kids in my audio class are amazing and we should get along quite well. My video class on the other hand...well i'll just have to wait and see if I can handle dealing with myself in that class. IDS 200 will also be close to death for me. I mean it should theoretically be an interesting class, but after being at cornerstone for 3 years I am getting a bit sick of having worldview shoved down my throat. It also doesnt help that the curiculum for IDS 100 and IDS 200 have been changed since my freshman year, thus requiring me to have to read the same horrendous book as I did for IDS 100 my first semester. It wouldnt be bad if it was at least a decent book, but the author is all over the place and its hard to grasp what point he is actually trying to get across. Photography will also be super fun, yet challenging. I'm looking forward to a semester in that class, especially with my super cool former boss teaching it. Chapels havent been too painful this semester, I am actually sorta enjoying them so far. It's a good thing, since I have to go to 2-3 in one day inorder to get all my credits in for the semester.
Outside of school, I am working my A- off. On a good week I average about 50 hours at the ski area, various hours as I am capable as an Audio tech for my former campus job, and any other possible minute I have producing and editing a music video for my good friends of SMILE THRU THIS. I am also teaching the intro to snowboarding class for Western Michigan University 2 days a week. Crazy times ensue for that.
Outside of all that I try to keep up with looking after my grandparents house, where I live, since they are down south for the winter. I have also picked up downhill ski racing, although I haven't gotten to race yet. I am really looking forward to picking that up though. Finding time for friends is definately not an easy task, and it seems as if I am sucking at that lately. It's not as easy living an hour away from all my friends back home as what I thought it would be. It is also kinda lonely being home by myself when I'm not at work or school. Although it is nice to have the break from people. Anyway, if you are one of the friends who I have neglected lately, please let me know. I would love to talk or spend time with you, it just might take you taking the initial step at this point in life. This week has been fairly nice with work being closed. I've been able to catch up on sleep and just relax, even though I have tons of stuff I should be doing instead.
Well I think its time to focus on the homework for the rest of the night, seeing as I need to be in bed in about an hour.

Time continues on

2006-01-21T18:12:00.000-08:00

It's been two years and I thought I would be fine this year. I worked open til close on sunday, and it was fairly busy so the thought of my mom didn't really cross my mind. I still haven't made it to the cemetary to see the headstone. I can't explain it, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I don't know if I ever will be able to. Everyone else in my family seems to be fine with the cemetary, but for me I just can't seem to gain enough strength to do it. For anyone else's funeral it's not a problem, but it's different when it's your mom.The weird thing is that I was the main designer of the headstone, so you would think that seeing it in person would be no different. I feel like I should go, I want to go, but I just can't. Sunday itself didn't faze me. I mean I realized it was the anniversary, but it was just like any other day. Wednesday, however, was different. I don't know why wednesday was the day that bothered me, but it was. I had gotten up early for a film makers discussion panel at school, then had to drive home after that so I could head into work. It had snowed heavily the night before, so the roads still hadn't been fully cleared. Things were moving along quite well through the hour drive until the highway exit before I had to get off to head into work. In that 2-3 mile span there were 5-7 cars/semi-trucks in the ditch. It was then that it hit me. I couldn't stop my eyes from welling up with tears. I think seeing all those vehicles in the ditch was God's way of reminding me that life is short, and that although you may not be doing anything wrong, there are other factors involved outside of your control. I can't help but think I could have changed the course of that day. Friends always tell me it wasn't my fault, and that may be true, but a difference decision on my part could have changed the course of that day and the rest of my life. I could have been nicer to Mom, I could have done alot of things differently. I didn't though, and now I've missed the chance to change the way things were. I loved my mom more than anything, even though I didn't always act like it. I cherish the memories I have of her and I miss her like crazy.

tears of sadness and joy

2006-01-15T20:43:00.000-08:00

2 years ago today Mom met Jesus.

Highs and Lows

2006-01-13T19:00:00.000-08:00

I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which. You're smart enough.
Spent $40 on a tank of fuel.
Meijer that is on the way home has limited choices as far as organic and vegetarian food goes.
Finished up J-Term.
No exams.
Got a cold.
Spent time with super cool friends.
Made the Dean's List for last semester (that would be a first).
Have a bunch of bills to pay.
Rain.
Work has been closed since Monday, due to lack of snow.
Got a free book.
"Captivating" was returned to me by the one and only Ryan Warblow.
Got my book list for Spring Semester, I only need 3 books.
I miss LA.
Sunday is the 2 year anniversary. Maybe I should pay a first visit to the cemetary.

Year in Review

2006-01-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

Although I know that this is several days late compared to the average new years post. I still wanted to get this out while I could still remember some of it. I know this is no where near all the highlights of my year, but they are what I can remember at this point in time. Maybe as the memories come back to me I will add to this.
January
• Was informed that my Dad and Stepmom would be getting a divorce (actually this was closer to Christmas I believe and not into January yet)
• Hit the one year mark of my mom’s death
• Took my first J-term class and passed it
• Completed physical therapy on my rotator cuff
• Worked at Timber Ridge for my third year as a Ski/Snowboard instructor
February
• Became a PSIA certified ski instructor
• Moved off campus
• Put Nigel, my beloved Jeep, in the ditch pretty good

March
• Applied to study at LAFSC
• Bought my PowerBook, which I worked my tail end off so I could afford it

April
• Got accepted into LAFSC

May
• Finished up my Sophmore year at Cornerstone
• Moved home for the summer

June
• Sold my life to a brass factory named Parker

July
• Continued to have no life
• Moved to the Fresno

August
• Moved down to LA
• Started LAFSC

September
• Filmed “Suspended Oblivion” off an idea I got from Trevor and Gina
• Started interning for Buddha Jones LLC. A creative advertising company
• Went to San Diego for my first Mae concert and fell in love with them

¬October
• Celebrated my 21st birthday
• Filmed ”Losts Spots”

November
• Filmed “Green with Envy” a super fun stop motion film about John Deere tractors
• Celebrated Thanksgiving in the Fresno
• Visited my cousins in Escalon
• Went to San Fran
• Filmed “Wildcard” or as we more commonly referred to it as “The Untitled Boxing Project”
• Bought Final Cut HD for my Mac

December
• Finished up my time at LAFSC
• Moved back to the Fresno
• Spent Christmas with Nicki’s fam
• Went to Escalon to board with my cousins
• Boarded in the pouring rain in the mountains of CA
• Flew home on Christmas day, had a 3 hr delay and almost had to spend the night in Chicago
• Worked 70 hrs in 7 days at Timber Ridge

It was a busy year, with many blessings that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Even though it was very rough sometimes and I know I hurt several people along the way. All I can do is learn from the past and move on from my mistakes. I would like to thank all those who have been there for me this year, because as many of you know it was a pretty rough year for me much of the time.

how I rang in the new year

2006-01-04T05:41:00.000-08:00

Since this is just gonna start off as your typical new year post ill start out with a brief look at my new years eve flowing into new years day. I started out New Years Eve heading off to work at around 9:30 am. After working 8 hours of a typical day as a ski instructor I switched boots and became a board instructor for the rest of the evening. The supervisors all left at 6pm, which isn't typical since there is always a supervisor around for close. However, since it was new years eve none of them wanted to stay around. At this point any lessons that went out were treated as normal, yet the 3 of us remaining instructors (all dual platform suprisingly) were paid under the table and given cash for the total cost of what the customer pays for the lesson. This was quite the nice bonus for staying late on new years eve in my mind. I took one semi-private snowboard lesson out, which put $55 in my pocket.After leaving work at 8:30, a mere 11 hours of work, I headed home to grab some cloths so I could stay the night in GR and wouldnt have to worry about drunks on the road after midnight. I then headed over to my Uncle Lee and Aunt Ruth's to see family I hadn't seen yet since I'd been home. Spent more time there than I had planned and finally got on the road at about 11:30 to make the almost one hour drive to Grand Rapids. Somehow I made it to my friend Kim's 30 seconds before the ball fell, so I was able to catch that. After the falling of the ball the group of us watched a movie and then headed out for our routine 2am walk. While on the walk we decided to head to the playground near Kim's house. Now this playground and I have a history. Last spring when they were building it we headed over there and I decided that I could still fit in the kiddie swings. Well this kiddie swings are particulary high, a foot or so higher than typical. SO after getting in, I was stuck. There was no way I was getting out of that thing. It took Kim, Phil and Ryan pulling me inorder to get me out of that thing. So lesson learned that night: no more kiddie for me. Now fast forward again to this year. We ran around the park some and then I decided I was going to swing, but on the normal ones this time. After swinging for quite some time I decided I was done and went to slow down the swing. Now this activity is typical done without mishap, ,but this time was different. Before I was able to get the swing stopped I flipped out of it and landed forehead first on the ground, getting my arm caught in the chain. Although this sounds quite horrible, it really didnt hurt all that bad. I was stunned at first but then I rolled over and started laughing. After that incident we headed back to Kim's. By this time it was 5am, so the boys decided to head home. Kim, Kelly an I then had some girl time and headed to bed. After sleeping just a few hours I woke up and headed off to work at 9am. Luckily I only ended up having to work until 3 on new years day. After getting out of work i went home, took a much needed nap and then headed off to Bekah's house to see her before she left for TN again. So was my fairly uneventful new year. Outside of that change of pace, I have been working a ton. Put in nearly 70 hours in the past 7 days. Yesterday I started J-term so I have the next 2 weeks off work while I sit in class all day. I think start working 830am-8pm 5 days a week and attending class 10am-840pm, plus chapels the other 2 days a week. It is going to be a busy winter.

In other news, I shoot a music video this weekend. Should be interesting.

RAIN SUCKS

2005-12-28T18:43:00.000-08:00

Well I made it home safely, although not on time at ALL. Everything was going well until I got to the airport...haha. When I got to FAT and went to check in my baggage I found out the flight was delayed and I was going to miss my connection so I was rebooked for a different flight. Great I was going to make it home...or so I thought. So I went to LAX instead of SanFran and all was good even though I got in a bit late I was still going to make it to my next flight, even though I did only have 10 minutes to run to the opposite side of the terminal. Well when I get to my terminal what do I find out? My flight is delayed due to mechanical problems. GREAT. I was suppose to be able to make my ORD connection, but nope we left later than we were targeted to leave. So after waiting 3+ hours after the original departure time we finally got in the air. However this meant that I, and everyone else on my plane had missed their connections in ORD. This made for many angry passengers when we finally arrived. Luckily my Aunt Patti lives in Chicago and we have christmas there every year. So my stepmomster was still there and picked me up from the airport and drove me to meet my grandparents in St. Joe. I was so glad that I didnt have to stay in Chi overnight even though the airline was going to put me up in a hotel. I finally made it home around 3am, even though I was suppose to be home at midnight. Oh well. Although I made it home, my luggage didnt make it home with. My luggage was still bound for Grand Rapids, since thats where I was originally suppose to go. So the next morning it was put on the plane I was suppose to take after getting rebooked due to the late arrival at ORD. So I had to go pick it up in GR after the family christmas party on monday. It made it safe and sound though, even if it STILL needs to get unpacked. I also got to open my stepmomsters and sisters presents when I got to St. Joe which was cool. The stepmomster got me a cool jacket (which was a bday pres), a cool purse thing, a super sweet John deere shirt, gauchos, and a sweatshirt. Prolly something else in there too but i cant remember off hand. The sister got me a sweet sweater from equador! Oh I also was able to go up to the mountains and go boarding wiht my cousins Kole and Philip. My aunt Karen bought me some sweet mittens while we were up there. Christmas was pretty good this year. The best part was probably coming home and seeing everyone, even though I got home late it was nice since I was able to see stepmomster afterall since I originally wasnt going to get to.
Christmas with the fam was good. Got to see everyone which was nice since I hadn't seeen them since I left at the end of July. Gracie was SO excited to see me. When they arrived in the morning she came in my room and woke me up! Haha its fun to be woken up by a 6yr old. She had to show me all her Hello Kitty stuff that she got for christmas. I LOVE THAT KID! Got some pretty cool stuff from the fam for christmas. A coffee grinder, cloths, and other misc stuff. I think my grandma is going to get me a 4 cup coffee pot with a timer on it as well. That will be nice for work in the mornings since I always forget to turn on the coffee pot when I wake up and then don't have time to make coffee before I have to leave.
Christmas with Nicki's fam was fun as well. Nicki and mom got eachother DVD players for their rooms (well I helped with buying the one for mom). I think mom was pretty excited about her presents that Nicki and I got for her. I think Nicki enjoyed hers as well, even though she knew she was getting all 3 Harry Potters since we bought them for eachother when we were together. Although she didnt know she was getting Indiana Jones and was happy to get that. I got some pretty sweet presents as well. Movies that I wanted, John Deere monopoly, clothes and other fun stuff.
So far I've gotten to hang out with a few friends, although not many yet. Got to chill with Andy, Jake, Ben and Josh on Mon night. I also saw slurps when I went and got my new super sweet kick butt phone. I missed those guys even though we havent been as close as we were in HS lately. It was still nice to see them again. I also was able to FINALLY go to yesterdog and met up with Amber there. I LOVE yesterdog! Hopefully I will get to see Kim and Ryan tomorrow night after work and Josh on Fri or Sat night. I also was able to see a lot of my Bdale friends last night cuz they were having a reunion of all the highschool graduates from CF (and basically church too)so that was fun. Found out I have a class with my friend Lindsay next sem, so that should be fun.
Other than that I have just been working for the most part. Yesterday I worked 10-3 at the ski place then played around on my skis with Jen for a bit. That was a good time and it was nice hanging with her again. Today I worked 1030-8, yeah long day. I also discovered that I have a bruise on my lower shin. Yeah not a good thing when you are in ski boots all day. Really doesnt feel good when you are skiing since there is constantly pressure on that part of your leg. I survived though and hopefully it will go away soon. Tomorrow I work at 930 til whenever I get out. Actually that is basically my schedule for the next week until I start J-term.
Still finalizing the music video stuff that I start filming on the 7th. That should be kick ass though since one of the scenes is a party scene so I'll prolly drink some after filming.
Well this is long enough now and most people probably won't read it as it is so I think it is time to say farewell for now. I'm sure I've missed something but I'll get over it.
Adios my friends
Rika

Goin home for Christmas

2005-12-25T00:35:00.000-08:00

Well the time has come for me to leave CA. It's kinda bittersweet. I miss my fam, but I have grown to love Cali. Something that I didn't think I would ever say. How could I love sunny california when I live for the snow? Yeah I don't know either, but I think my heard will remain here when I leave. I'm super excited to see my little cousin Grace though. That kid is amazing and I have missed her silliness. There is nothing like a 6 year old that is the life of the party! When she was first born I was a bit jealous since at the time I was the only granddaughter, but now I love that kid to death. She's a keeper!
I was finally able to see snow this week, which made my smile return. I headed up to Escalon on Wednesday night to my Aunt Karen's house so I could take my younger cousins Nicole and Philip boarding. It was so much stinkin fun! It started pouring rain while we were there and it was a bit warm so there wasn't much snow at all. Only blacks and a few blues were open since there was only snow at the top and the bottom were the smaller runs were was pretty bare. We ended up riding mostly blacks, which isnt a big deal for me but my cousins really aren't ready for that difficulty. Luckily I know what I'm doing though so I was able to keep a close eye on them and help talk them through it. They improved quite a bit over the course of the day and I am very proud of how well they did. We even did a few passes through the terrain park. Kole and I were hitting jumps and it was amazing. Kole was even able to land a few! Philip was going to hit some, but I am glad that he didn't since he is no where near ready to be catching air. I almost hit some rails, but the rain picked up on our way up the lift and it was starting to ice over so I didn't want to risk it. We also went off-terraining, which was the most fun run I have been on. The snow was loose packed, so if you fell you would since down about 10 inches. It took forever for us to make it to the bottom, but it was a blast! I was definately glad we went down it. Although it was right under the lift, so it was interesting when we would hit jumps and then biff right underneath a bunch of good boarders riding up since it was just below the terrain park and used the same access lift.
Unfortunately it has been raining back home for the past few days, so I'm not sure how much snow there will be left when I get there.

That's all I have for now. I leave Fresno at 12pm with a short layover in San Fran and another short one in Chicago. I arrive back in GR at 11pm and will be headed home to B'dale. I plan on being in GR on Monday night (for those who live in GR and want to hang out) and then will be heading back home so I can be to work at Timber Ridge on Tuesday morning.

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas. I am excited to see my MI friends again but will miss my CA friends. I'm off to start packing. Goodnight to all!
Rika

Goodbye LA

2005-12-10T23:11:00.000-08:00

The movies are done.
The classmates are all safely at home, or on the drive home.
I have arrived safely in Fresno.
Fairly close to being back on a normal sleeping schedule.
DVD's of all my projects are done.
Copies of all my projects are printed to mini HDV tape.
Car is fixed.
Packages are being shipped back to MI.
Most Christmas presents have been purchased.
Car is unloaded at Nicki's.
Asthma+Pnuemonia+Mono+Drug Induced Hepatitas A+Urinary Tract Infection= one very very sick best friend (poor nicki, but she is home from the hospital for now)
Time has been spent with friends who haven't been seen since highschool graduation.
Still have tons of stuff to organize, pack, and ship back to Michigan.
Snowboarding coming up rapidly!

That is all

i don't even know anymore

2005-12-02T18:38:00.000-08:00

My body is slowly shutting itself down because I haven't been able to get enough sleep, food or water for to function at its normal capacity. I am exhausted and stressed beyond what I ever though imaginable. I am ready for this week of hell to be over, for everything in my life to settle down and be normal again. I never thought I would see the day that I was homesick. As much as I love it here I miss home. I miss all my friends and family there. I miss people who actaully care about how I am doing and look forward to seeing me. I miss people who actually take the time to get to know me rather than getting hung up stereotypes and the wall that I keep around myself.
How is that movie of yours coming along, you might ask. Well, let's just leave it at "I don't want to talk about it right now, and possibly not ever."
I think I just need some sleep, snow, food, hugs, snow, snow and snow!

"The Untitled Boxing Project"...or maybe not

2005-11-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

The past week has been packed with filming, editing, and typing up paperwork for "The Untitled Boxing Project." Yes that is correct, we are currently calling it "The Untitled Boxing Project," but that is only due to not coming up with a good title yet. It has been quite the adventure so far. Tomorrow, or rather today, we will head into our last day of filming.
Boy will be I be excited when tomorrow is over. Don't get me wrong, I love working on this movie, but I just plain don't like being on set. I would much rather be locked in a room, all by myself, with just my computer and some good music, tearing the footage apart peice by peice and reassembling it. Filming wears me out and gives me way too little time away from people. I hate that feeling. I'm quite sure exactly when the feeling of hating people came out. Somewhere between the start of my freshman year and the end of my sophmore year. Along those same lines, I'm not quite sure what brought it about. Maybe it was living with all those girls for 3 semesters, maybe it was all the promises that were broken while living on campus, maybe it was the "higher up's" in student development, maybe it was my mom's death, maybe I just realized who I am, maybe I am trying to hide who I am, maybe it was Dad's divorce, maybe it was my brother disowning me; there are so many things that could have caused it, and yet there is not a single thing that I can pinpoint. It drives me nuts sometimes. I wish I could go back to loving people, but I don't think I remember how.
Ok, back on subject. Filming is going well, from what I can tell. We have some pretty amazing and talented actors. They have been real troopers and God has truly blessed us with their talent. I mean it's everyday that you can get Antonio Banderas' stunt double to act in student film.
This one is going to be a challenge to edit, well sort of. There will be some easy spots, and some extremely challenging spots, with several scenes inbetween. At this point I think the most challenging scence will be our first fight sequence. Mainly due to the fact that it is a straight cut, with not cut to shots like the other boxing sequence is. I will have to be very precise in how I cut it together. Not that it can't be done, but it will definately take a lot of time and patience. Both things I can handle when I am blocked off from people and left alone with my computer. Although, I'm not sure how often I will be able to do that on this project, since it is a group project rather than an individual one. Thankfully I will be editing everything using my laptop, so if need be I can runaway and hide from the director and producers (as I don't think the other crew members will really need much from me during the editing process, well outside of the sound editor). I'm am really excited to get all of the footage into the edit bay so I can capture it all and get to work.
I will be working over Thanksgiving, but hopefully won't be too stressed out with all the work that needs to be done. At this point it is looking like we will have 3 hours worth of raw footage, which will need to be cut down to 8 minutes or less. I know I can do it, but I just hope that it is in a way that pleases everyone with the final outcome.
I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving break though, despite having to edit most of the time. I am definately going to be taking some time out for some relaxation. There will be quite a bit of travel time, but I think it will be well worth it. On Thanksgiving day I will be in Fresno at Nicki's and then from there I will be heading up to Escalon to spend a few days with my cousins Kole and Philip. I am very excited for this leg of the journey because we are going to be going snowboarding. My Aunt Karen has wanted me to teach them some of my snowboard knowledge for a while now and I am excited that I finally will get the chance to do just that. Not only will I get to teach them some of my know-how, but I will also be able to enjoy a much needed day at the slopes. It will definately be nice to see snow again. I miss it so much.
It is hard to believe that it is already snowing at home. It makes me want to go home, just to see the snow. I wasn't really missing home at all until I heard that the snow had already begun to fall. I will be very ecstatic when I get off that plane on Christmas day to see snow on the ground. Although it will be a few days before I can hit the slopes and begin teaching again, I will just be excited to see snow covered ground. Maybe I will be able to visit mom's site when I get home, since I haven't done that yet. I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. When people ask me if I have seen the stone yet, I just avoid the question. I don't know what to say. I mean I know what it is suppose to look like, I helped design it, but I have never actually gone to the cemetery since it has been delivered. It's hard to avoid the question sometimes, especially when Uncle Lee asks me. I want to tell him that it looks good, but I honestly can't say that yet. I'm sure it does though, because Uncle Lee wouldn't have let it get put in if it didn't. After all, he did spend months going back and forth with the tombstone people before it was engraved to make sure that it was going to look exactly perfect before he placed the final order for it. I suppose that is the good thing about having a Great-Uncle as a mortician.
There is so much I could still say, but I think I need to end this now before more tears begin to well up in my eyes.

Tractor filled late nights

2005-11-08T02:25:00.000-08:00

It's been pretty busy the last week or so. Last Tuesday a couple of friends and I drove down to San Diego to hit up a MuteMath/Mae concert at the House of Blues. It was AMAZING. My internship is still going wonderful and I still love it there. On Sunday a group of us went surfing at El Porto beach, also a super fun awesome time. I was able to get up to my feet, but neveer did get all the way up on the board. It was quite a tiring day, but fun nonetheless. I filmed my final 5 minute film last weekend. That was by far my most fun project to shoot. It was a stop-motion animation about tractors. I was able to create a mini farm in my apartment and it smelled so wonderful! It made me miss home, the country, and the smell of fresh air. Tonight I am up finishing up the editing and getting DVD's ready to burn. Although I wish this was a more thought-provoking post, it just can't be that at 2:30 in the morning when I have been running on less than 6 hours of sleep a night for the past almost 2 weeks. Not really sure why that's the case, but it is. After I get all my DVD's burned and my final 5 min project printed to tape I will be able to relax for the rest of the week as my duties for the 8 minute film won't pick up until mid-next week at earliest. The stinky part is that I will have to spend Thanksgiving break editing, but how bad can that be when I love editing? eh shouldn't be too horrible!

Anyway I think I am gonna start the trek back towards the apartments and let the computer in the editing lab do its thing over night...I just hope that Tony doesnt decide to close out of things when he gets here in the morning...especially if my stuff isnt done going through converter!

Night all. (and for those of my friends that cared enough to come over to blogger to read about the happenings of my life, don't forget you can comment over here too, even if you don't have a blogger account!)

Judaism and Faith

2005-10-26T23:44:00.000-07:00

Lately, actually for quite some time now, I have had the lingering question in my mind of what the religion of Judaism really believes and basically the all there is to know about Judaism questions. I'm not really sure why I have had an interest in Judaism since (from what I recall) junior year in high school. I have never been exposed to a high concentration of Jews, until now. In fact I had only met one before I moved to LA. I really don't know much about the religion (or the beliefs of my friend Dam besides that he is a Messianic Jew and believes Christ is messiah but he still follows Jewish traditions). I had never really had the motivation to research and learn about Judaism, I was just always curious without wanting to take the action to learn. However, today when I was sitting in my apartment something hit me. I can't really explain it, just that voice inside, you know that voice that tells you "hey if your curious why dont you research it to gain the knowledge about it so you can make an informed descision on why you believe what you believe and not what they believe." So I was like "ya know I really should do that. I don't know why I believe Christianity over Judaism and I should." So I started looking into what Judaism is all about online. I haven't gotten very far yet, it doesn't help when you have a migraine. But the remainder of the time I am here in LA I am going to continue gaining knowledge of the Jewish religion, not only the religion as a whole but also the different sects of the religion. I think that this is something really important for me to do. Not only for my own growth, knowledge and discovery but also because I feel like I am being called into the entertainment industry, especially the part of it that is located in LA. With that comes interactions with many Jewish believers. I want to know why I believe what I believe and yet also understand their basic overarching beliefs as a religion. It is important for me to know it inorder to relate to the Jews I will encounter on a personal level. And who is to say that at this point I don't really better fit into the Jewish faith rather than the Christian faith. I certainly am not at the place where I could say, and I desire to come to that point in my life where I can honestly say what I believe, why I believe it, and why I don't believe what someone of another religion believes and the differces that come with it; while also being tolerant, considerate and understanding of what they believe. It is not my place to judge them, convert them, or tell them they are wrong. I am called to love them and if I do the previous stated actions I am not showing love but condemnation.

In other news:
Life in LA is amazing and God continues to amaze me with the many oppurtunities there are here. I am not a city person, but yet I feel at home in LA.
The last week has been quite exciting. I found out that the guy who played Mike in Benny and Joon lives on my floor of the apartment building that I am staying in this semester. I took over the VP of creative advertising's office at work for a few days, learned the names, titles and studios that many many executives work for, went to a pre-release screening for "End of the Spear" at the warner bros. lot, stood within feet of the water tower from Animaniacs, visited Starry Hollow (from Gilmore Girls) via the set on the Warner Bros. lot (and yes it is Warner Bros. here...never brothers), met Donald Miller and heard him speak, among many other exciting things. I start filming my final 5 min short this weekend. For those who know me, this will not come as a surprise to you... my final film is about TRACTORS! Yes that is right, it is about John Deere tractors. I am doing it in Stop-motion animation, so it should be pretty fun to film. This weekend is going to filled with many fun and exciting things. Among those are filming, going to the grand opening of an Apple store in Thousand Oaks (yes, I openly admit I am a huge nerd), and surfing in San Diego. I am super duper excited for this weekend. I miss all of you from back home, but I honestly don't want to come home. It's hard to believe that I will be home in 2 months. That is right, 2 more months and I will get to see all of your beautiful faces...wow time has sure flown by. But this semester has been the best one of my college career and I am not in any way ready for it to end.

hmm

2005-10-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

I just don't know what to think right now, or even if I should think anymore.

Interesting...

2005-10-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	73%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Romantic	\|\|	10%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|	16%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	84%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Vanity	\|\|	10%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
messy, tough, disorganized, fearless, not rule conscious, likes the unknown, rarely worries, rash, attracted to the counter culture, rarely irritated, positive, resilient, abstract, not a perfectionist, risk taker, strange, weird, self reliant, leisurely, dangerous, anti-authority, trusting, optimistic, positive, thrill seeker, likes bizarre things, sarcastic

Road Trips and Pet Peeves

2005-10-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

Spending the weekend in Fresno was a good time, although it seemed all too short. I suppose that would have to do with arriving home late on friday night, filming all day saturday, and leaving around 4:30 sunday afternoon. Filming went well, although it was a bit crazy trying to get a 5 year old who just wanted to play with us to do what needed to be done on camera. Other interesting events entailed on saturday as well. In the morning when we were getting ready to leave to film the mother of the girl we had planned on using decided that it wasn't going to work out with their schedule, so we lost out actress. After scrounging around for a while trying to find a new actress and having no luck, the mother called back again and said that if we could babysit her for a few hours while the rest of the family was gone than she could be in my movie after all...so thats what we did! I haven't reviewed the footage yet, but I am being hopeful that it turned out just fine.

Now onto the next topic of the post, since this is such a smooth transition and all. After arriving home this evening and getting everything unloaded, I decided to catch up on my internet stuff, checking emails and such. Well when i went to go to the different sites where I am normally logged in perpetuously, I was mysteriously logged out of everything. This is quite odd, and rarely if ever happens. So I began to think to myself 'self, did you log out of your emails before you left?' The answer was, of course, 'NO, why would I do such a thing? I would have no need to, since it is my computer and theoretically I am the only one that uses it.' Well after heading over to MSN to check my mail there, I discovered that, indeed, someone had been on my computer over the weekend. Now you might say "Erika you are just being anal" Well my reply to you is "this person did not have permission to use my computer, therefore should not have been on it in the first place." Not only did she use my computer, but I saw proof of who it was, and all the history was deleted, leading me to believe that I am not just imagining things and that my computer had truly been used without my permission. Now before you yell at me for being too protective of my technological belongings, you must first note that I have confronted this particular girl about such things in the past. I don't see it as a matter of me being rediculous, although feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but rather I see it as a lack of respect towards me and my belongings on her end of things. I don't care who you are, if you want to use someone else's stuff you need to ask permission first. Permission had never been granted to this individual to use my computer whenever she felt like. Also, keep in mind, that I will be confronting her about it again in the next few days, but she is currently in bed making this an impossible thing for me to do at this point. I have enough respect for her to not wake her up while she is sleeping.

End rant. AHh I feel much better now.

What are your thoughts on others using your belongings without permission?

Scripts and Toads

2005-10-06T01:57:00.000-07:00

ok, so there really aren't any toads involved in this post whatsoever, but its fun to say.

Last night I finished the final touches on my script of 'Puppy Eyes', which will be shot this weekend. I had it checked out one more time, and there are some few minor changes I need to make as far as shot composition but all in all I think it will turn out quite well. Hopefully a much better scripted story than my "Suspended Oblivion" story turned out to be.

I still would like to throw some outtakes onto the end of 'Suspended Oblivion' before making the DVD copies. So those of you waiting on those, I will do my best to get those finished up soon. Maybe tomorrow by chance, or possibly friday.

I have mini break this weekend, which excites me to the max. Although I have to shoot my second 5 minute film this weekend, I think that I will have plenty of time for some good ol' relaxation. I will be driving up to Fresno to spend the majority of the weekend with my favorite Nicki, being accompanied by Marlys. Monday, I will back in LA to spend the day and Universal Studios, for which I am quite excited. I think they even have the crashed plane that was used in 'War of the Worlds' housed there!

I miss home a lot lately, well maybe not home per say, just the thought of family. I attribute the bringing on of this, what I will call 'family sickness', due to a paper that I had to write for my theology class. The paper was about my critical eye in film viewing as it relates to my theology. Part of the paper writing process was to include interviewing your parents to find their philosophy on cinema. Me, not having those resources available, found it very difficult to complete the assignment. Although I did anyway, it was a struggle to figure out which angle I wanted to take a paper in which I didn't feel I had the adequate resources to write. It was also hard hearing my classmates talk about, in casual conversation, their interviews with their parents and the views their parents had. It made me feel like the odd ball, and quite disconnected from everyone else in the program, since I couldn't relate to them. I don't really know for sure what my parents opinions were/are. I mean, yeah sure Dad is still around, but in all honesty does his opinion really effect who I am and my film philosophy? He has never really been there for me, and thus his views have not been a big impact on who I am as a person. This being said, it was the most difficult hearing my classmates talk about their mothers. For the first time in quite a while I realized how much I really do miss my mom. I knew that I missed her, but it's times like those that make me realize how much of an impact she had on my life and how much I really lost when I lost her. It won't matter how many people tell me it wasn't my fault, in a way it still was. No, with the given situation I couldn't have done anything differently. But if I hadn't been selfish and wanted to spend time with my friends the night before it happened I could have had one last night with her, she may have not been in her car at that intersection at that given time. Yes it happened. But that doesn't mean that I couldn't have done something to change it. However, it's too late for that now. I guess the accident has given me a greater appreciation for those I care for. It has showed me that they could be gone at any second, so I need to be careful how I treat them and not take for granted the times I have with them or ignore oppurtunities that I have to spend with them.